Buffy Fight Night
by Britt Britt
Summary: Put a dash of Celebrity Boxing and a pinch of Celebrity Deathmatch and you get Buffy Fight Night. My first humor fic, so go easy on me. R for language. PLEASE review.


Summary: It's a bit of Celebrity Boxing mixed with a little Celebrity Deathmatch. It's got the blood, boxing, and those cheesy commentator guys. Oh yeah, duh, it's got Buffy characters. It's in kind of a script format, cuz it's just to hard for me the other way. WARNING: Not To Be Taken Seriously. Enjoy!  
  
Max: Good morning ladies and gentlemen! Thank you all for coming and thank you all viewers out there for tuning in! I'm your host Max Rocwell along with my co-host Brad Richford. Say hello, Brad.  
  
Brad: Evening everyone.  
  
Max: This will be a memorable night, won't it, Brad?  
  
Brad: Yes it will, Max. We have three action packed boxing matches for all you lucky viewers, who tuned into this very special event, 'Buffy Fright Night.'  
  
Max: Well let's get the first match on the way! First up, you may know him as the Zeppo or Dracula's Bitch, but for tonight's fight he's Xander, 'ain't no one's butt-monkey,' Harris! And his opponent, she may not have a pulse or even any brain activity, but herre's Harmony the Bloodsucker!  
  
[They're both in the ring ready for the match to start]  
  
Ref: All right, I want a good clean fight. No hitting below the belt and no sucking other people's blood. Now let's get it on.  
  
[Bing]  
  
Harmony: You're going down like a bitch, Harris.  
  
Xander: Bite me.  
  
Harmony: Oh don't worry, I'll do that, after I knock you all the way back to the stone age, where the dinosaurs can eat you alive.  
  
[They start punching wildly, like a catfight]  
  
Max: Wow! What an interesting match this should be, right Brad?  
  
Brad: No, no not really. They're both idiots.  
  
Max: Well, maybe, but.ah hell. They * are * morons. This first match is gonna suck ass. But let's just follow anyway. I can't get fired this time. I gotta pay child support.  
  
Brad: You kiddin', [looks around] I gotta watch out for my parole officer.  
  
Max: Let's blow this joint. Get some drinks.  
  
Brad: Your on.  
  
[Xander and Harmony stop fighting]  
  
Harmony: Hello? You're supposed to be announcing our fight.  
  
Xander: Yeah. And it's commentating you dufus. Get your asses back here you pussies.  
  
[They ignore him and keep going]  
  
Xander: That's it!  
  
[Him and Harmony go after them. They catch up with them and Xander takes a metal pipe, from the stage and starts pounding Max's brains in. Harmony vamps out and.]\  
  
[Everything goes black]  
  
Voice: We're having some technical difficulties. Please stay tuned. For now here are some words from our sponsors.  
  
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Dick: And we're back! Excuse the delay. Max and Brad had to.[a hand flies through the air. Blood spurting from the fling limb].to split. I'm your new host Dick Waters. And this is my co-host Kent Turnher.  
  
Kent: What a start! But now we have to press on.  
  
Dick: Yes. Our second match is between two magical females.  
  
Kent: And very Sexy!  
  
Dick[Not impressed]: Yeah, right.She almost destroyed the world and.  
  
Kent[Interrupting]: And is a lesbian.  
  
Dick[Eying him]: Right.Here's Willow, 'skin ya alive,' Rosenberg. And her opponent is more than a thousand years old.  
  
Kent[Chiming in]: And is still a find beast.  
  
Dick[Losing his patience]: Okay, here's Anyanka.  
  
[They join each other in the ring.]  
  
Ref; All right, you know the rules. And this time * no one * decapitates the pussy announcers.  
  
Kent: Hey!  
  
Ref[Ignoring him]: All right, let's get it on!  
  
[Bing]  
  
[They circle each other]  
  
Dick: And the second match is on the go. Let's hope this match ends up better than the first.  
  
Kent: Of course it will. But for insurance, I say we make them fight in nothing but panties and bras and than fill the ring with pudding.  
  
Dick: What!?  
  
Kent: Yeah, your right. No bras, just panties!  
  
Dick[Forcing himself to ignore the comment]: And Anya hits Willow with some right jabs. I would expect a little more fighting spirit from Willow.  
  
Kent: I'm sure she'll get back on top. [Nudging Dick] I know I sure would like her on top of me. [laughs]  
  
Dick[Trying to start where he left off]: And Anya continues her assault. I gotta say Anya sure does have the fighting spirit.  
  
Kent: Yeah, and a lotta.  
  
Dick[Cutting him off]: Determination. But what, what's this? Willow's regaining her composure. She's hitting Anya left, right, left, right.Ohh, an upper cut! Didn't see that comin'.  
  
Anya: Fuck the boxing, I'm gonna you, you dike!  
  
Willow: Bring it on, slut!  
  
Anya: Oh, I know you didn't just say that!  
  
Willow: We'll see if you can keep talkin' crap after this little spell: et a porqu le fue.  
  
Dick: Oh my god! There are bunnies all over the ring!  
  
Anya: Get them away! Get them away!  
  
[Willow punches her out while she's distracted. Anya falls to the ground]  
  
Ref: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.Winner! [He raises Willow's arm]  
  
Dick: Well it looks like Willow's the winner! All though I believe that spell wasn't legal. What do you think Kent?  
  
Kent[Looking at Anya, in the ring]: I think Anya needs some comfort. [He starts for the ring.]  
  
[Dick grabs him]  
  
Dick: Get your ass back here! We got a show to resume.  
  
Kent: Find, find.  
  
Dick: And now, the final match of the evening. And there's a twist. We have a special referee. But first let's introduce our contestants. In the red corner, he loved her, he lost her, he tried to rape her, and now he has a soul, herre's William the Bloody aka Spike! And in the blue corner, he lost his soul because of her, he tried to kill her, and he left her, herre's Angel!.And now to introduce our special guest referee. A woman who needs no introduction, the one the only Buffy the Vampire Slayer!  
  
Buffy: All right, the winner of this fight gets a night with me.  
  
Spike: Hell yeah!  
  
Angel: Back off buddy. She's going with me.  
  
Spike: You had your chance, you bloke.  
  
[They raise their fist, ready to fight, but Buffy pulls them apart.]  
  
Buffy: All right, save it for when the bell rings. Okay, ready? Go!  
  
[Bing]  
  
Angel: You're going down.  
  
Spike: Oh is that right?  
  
Angel: Yep. And you know it.  
  
Dick: Ohh! Angel gave Spike a good hit! I bet he'll be feeling that tomorrow.  
  
Spike[regaining his footing]: Oh, your gonna pay for that, mate.  
  
Dick: Oh.My.God! Spike dealt Angel one hell of a blow! It sent him all the way across the ring! Did you see that, Kent?  
  
Kent: What?  
  
Dick: Are you paying attention?  
  
Kent: Of course. Did you see that? Buffy just brushed a lock of hair away from her face.  
  
Dick[His temper rising]: What did you say?  
  
Kent: Nothing, nothing. [Mutters underneath his breath] Asswipe.  
  
Dick[Dropping the mic]: That's it! You going down you punk-ass bitch! [He jumps on Kent.]  
  
Spike[He stops fighting to watch]: Hey, look at that. They're fucking mad.  
  
Angel: They are some stupid sons of bitches.  
  
Spike: Hey man, why are we fighting?  
  
Angel: I don't know; her [He points to Buffy, flirting with the popcorn guy.]  
  
Spike: Fuck that whore. Let's get outta here.  
  
Angel: Yeah, [He gets out of the ring.] but first..  
  
[He walks up behind Buffy with a sword]  
  
Angel: Hey, sweetie.  
  
[She turns]  
  
Buffy: Yes?  
  
[Like lightening, he sticks the sword through her gut.]  
  
Angel: Yes! I've been waiting to do that for a long time. How'd you like it? Yeah, revenge's a bitch.  
  
[She drops dead. He catches up with Spike]  
  
Angel: Where to?  
  
Spike: Who knows.  
  
They walk backstage, the crowd cheering loudly. They walk pass a pile of body parts that use to belong to the pussies Max and Brad. Then they passed Dick kicking Kent in the balls.  
  
[Everything goes black]  
  
Giles[Turning off the television]: Well that was bloody disappointing.  
  
Fred: Yeah, that really sucked.  
  
Gunn: Whatever. Give me my money Wes.  
  
Wesley: What!?  
  
Gunn: Angel lost. Hand over the money.  
  
Wesley: Angel didn't loose, it was a damn tie.  
  
Gunn: Tie my ass! Hand it over!  
  
Connor: Hey! If anyone should get the money, it should be me.  
  
Gunn: Why you?  
  
Connor: Because, I'm the one who said that, that jerk off Kent, was banging Waters' wife.  
  
[Gunn and Wesley look at each other and shrug.]  
  
Gunn: Yeah, he has a point.  
  
[Wesley hands Connor the money.]  
  
Connor: Well, if you'll excuse me, I gotta see some executives from FOX, about a 'Buffy Fight Night 2.' See ya.  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~*  
  
Yeah, I know it's probably cheesy, well this is my first humor fanfic and my second fanfic all together. PLEASE review, if you don't I'm gonna have to go back to writing drama fics. And I DON'T want to go back to doing that. Your probably thinkin' that's not what the character would do, but like I mentioned earlier, it not suppose to be taken seriously. You also are probably wonderin' where did Angel get that sword? Don't look at me. Magic? Up his ass? Let your imagination tell you. Well that's the end of my first humor fic. You like? 


End file.
